Uncrustables are god's handiwork

I’ve been told by at least a few people (surely more if they knew me better) that I’m at once the laziest person and the most productive person they’ve ever met.1 Enter Uncrustables, the pre-packaged, no-crust, frozen peanut-butter and jelly sandwich.2 That’s right, I’m too lazy to make my own sandwiches and if this little wonder-in-plastic doesn’t count as the perfect snack then I don’t know what does. Once you convince yourself that whatever makes them dry and fluffy (instead of wet and soggy) after they’ve been thawing for an hour isn’t going to kill you, you’re left to enjoy a painless, simple, get-in-get-out snack.

I swear, every time I tear open one of these bad-boys I can hear the guy from the Guinness commercials yell, Brillyunt!

These two characteristics aren’t mutually exclusive and in a future post I’ll explain how they actually work together. ↩

Hah, I told you I wasn’t above writing about such things on this site (you know who you are :). ↩